16/07/2008 by Rob.

I recently ordered two CDs from the US company CD Baby, and got this cosy email back today: 

Rob -Thanks for your order with CD Baby!Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow. A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make
sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved “Bon Voyage!” to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Wednesday, July 16th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby.  We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as “Customer of the Year.”  We’re all
exhausted but can’t wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh…

–
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music

It brought a smile to my face……

Posted in Music | 2 Comments »

18/03/2008 by Rob.

Here’s our new FMV 3 series convertible…….hot off the factory floor……  

No pedals…cut out the middle man, and put your best feet forward!

Air conditioning self-regulating - just speed up or slow down!

Only 100 yards on the sundial, and a spare wheel in the boot….

Posted in Weird | 2 Comments »

27/02/2008 by Rob.

Did anyone else experience the earthquake last night??

I was sitting at the PC at 12.55am, about to log off for the night, when my chair started wobbling. Cursing that extra potato at lunch, I looked to my left, only to see my La-Z-Boy rocking back and forth!

Was it a poltergeist? Had one of Paul’s fiendish monstrosities come to life behind me, and was even now pounding across the floor? I looked over my shoulder to see…..nothing. 

Then everything stopped as quickly as it had started. Was it an hallucination? A waking dream? Or was it…something else?

Just then, Paul came in from next door, where he had been tossed around in bed. All his bookshelves had been shaken.

‘Was that an earthquake, do you think?’ he queried.

‘Probably,’ I replied. ‘It’ll be on the news tomorrow.’

And it was. Epicentre in Lincolnshire….effects felt all the way down to Brighton.

I’d been lying on a couch in my parent’s house when the last one hit 25 years ago. The couch was shaking as though the cat had caught its claw in the fabric and was trying desparately to free itself.

Aware of the San Andreas Fault in California, at the time I put the quake down to the San Denham Fart…could it be the same again? And why was Paul in Lincolnshire in the first place…..?

The plop thickens……

Posted in Weird | 1 Comment »

22/02/2008 by Rob.

Can you remember where you were when you first heard a particular song?

In 1986, I was standing in an electronics store in Tottenham Court Road, during my lunch-break. The store was relaying a particular radio station over its Tannoy system. As I was contemplating the stack systems all around me, the commercial break on the station came to an end, and a song started up, one I hadn’t heard before.

I was mesmerised by it. It was brilliant. As it progressed, I thought to myself, “Hmmm…….sounds like Paul Simon singing.”

I had been a fan of Simon and Garfunkel since my mid-teens - in fact, their Greatest Hits was the second LP I’d ever bought, in 1978. I’d also seen them live at Wembley Stadium in 1982, a week prior to the Stones. However, Paul Simon solo hadn’t been doing very well in recent years. None of his albums had done well, and neither had his singles. He was ‘yesterday’s man’, as far as most people were concerned.

I stayed in the shop until the song had finished, curious to find out what it was. “That’s the new one from Paul Simon - YOU CAN CALL ME AL,” announced the DJ. My suspicions were confirmed.

“What an amazing song!” I thought. “Too bad people won’t be buying it because it’s Paul Simon.”

Little did I know what a huge smash it was going to be, turning his whole career around in the process.

(Incidentally, I’ve just checked the song on Wikipedia, and discovered the following two facts about it:

Simon allegedly wrote “You Can Call Me Al” after he went to a party with his then-wife Carrie Fisher. A man at the party kept calling Paul “Al”, and Carrie “Betty”, inspiring Simon to write the song.

The song features an unusual bass solo from Bakithi Kumalo, in which the second half is a reversed recording of the first half.

Did anyone else know the latter?)

There are several other songs that, when I hear them now, immediately take me back to the moment of initial discovery - SHINE A LITTLE LOVE by ELO and STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN by Zepp are just two others - whereas I couldn’t tell you when I first heard the vast majority of the songs in my head. They just always seem to have been there.

Any similar situations out there?

Posted in Music | 2 Comments »

03/02/2008 by Rob.

I’ve been working at Wembley Arena as a steward since October 2007 (Rush was my first gig). The best has been the Police, as I was positioned in front of the stage throughout the concert. I heard everything, but only caught the odd glimpse of the band, as we are supposed to be watching the crowd, to prevent them from rushing the stage. However, the crowd were really great that time, in a really good mood, and a happy time was had by all.

Other gigs haven’t been quite as enjoyable. Babyshambles proved a tough one, with several girls having to be taken to First Aid throughout owing to the crushing conditions in front of the stage. Motorhead & Alice Cooper were the same (although Joan Collins walked past me at that one!).

And then there are the boring concerts. Stereophonics (several people walked out). Wet Wet Wet. And UB40.

But UB40/Maxi Priest threw up an amazing experience. I was positioned in front of the sound desk and had to walk back and forth showing people to their seats. I was doing this with one couple towards the end of Monsieur Priest’s supporting set, and was coming back to my original position afterwards. As I neared the desk, the barrier in front of it opened up, and a security guard came out.

Followed by another.

Followed by a little guy in a crumpled suit. ‘I’m just following you,’ he said to the guard in front. As he walked past me, I realised who he was.

Sir.

Paul.

McCartney.

MACCA!

I froze. I wanted to reach out and grab him. I wanted to shake his hand and thank him for his music.

But I wasn’t allowed to. I was supposed to be professional. AAAAAAAARRGH!!!

So I watched him go. Couldn’t believe my eyes…………….

Not many people knew he was there - only a few who, like me, had seen him leaving the sounddesk area. They were as stunned as I was, telling their friends around them, who understandably scoffed.

The interval soon followed, and word was going round that Sir P. was in the building. Towards the end of the interval, the same security men came back, sandwiching Macca and another, smaller, gentleman, with long, wispy grey hair. I studied him for a few seconds, and then realised that it was Denny Laine! Two members of Wings, who allegedly had been angry at each other ever since the demise of the band in the late ’70s.

And yet here they were, hanging out with each other! Could a Wings reunion be on the cards?

By this time, people were on the lookout, and the few rows surrounding the sounddesk burst into applause as Macca approached, which he acknowledged with several waves. A few people were flashing their mobiles at him, and standing in front of the desk as UB40 started up - we had to clear them away.

Then Ali Campbell announced from the stage during their third number that Macca was in the audience, and the whole place erupted. People deliberately walked past the desk area, ‘pretending’ not to be looking at him. One girl asked me to get his autograph for her, and couldn’t understand it when I said no. All the while he was grooving to the lilting reggae noises being played in front of us.

What I found interesting about my encounter was that it showed Macca as a human being. You normally only see him either playing in concert on TV, being interviewed, or running from the divorce courts. It was nice to see him simply letting his hair down for a change (albeit to UB40! What’s the story there?).

So I’ve now had a close encounter with four Beatles. And seen George Martin.

Sorry, Neil……

Posted in Work | 2 Comments »

03/02/2008 by Rob.

Flashback: Fri Oct 19th

‘Hi Rob! It’s Sarah at Casting. Are you free to film next Tuesday?’

‘No problem.’

‘Great. You’ll be playing a train traveller on a film called LAST CHANCE HARVEY. Filming takes place at Paddington Station and on board the Heathrow Express.’

‘I’ll be there.’

Tues Oct 23rd

Got to the station at 8am - missed breakfast (damn!). Had to make do with a bowl of cornflakes. Sat on crew bus - couldn’t remember name of film. Found a callsheet - film called LAST CHANCE HARVEY. First actor called to shoot today: Emma Thompson. Oh my God. Emma Thompson. Yes. Suddenly remembered reading an article in the newspaper whilst I was shooting THE DUCHESS a few weekends ago. An accompanying picture of Emma with….no, it couldn’t be….

I check the callsheet again. Second actor called today: it’s only Hoffman! Dustin bloody Hoffman. Benjamin Braddock. Ratso Rizzo. Marathon Man. Rain Man. The man I saw playing Shylock on stage in THE MERCHANT OF VENICE in 1987.

The Hoff-meister.

Dustin.

Hoffman.

I can’t believe it. I’m going to be making a film with Dustin Hoffman.

10.25am - I’m standing in a train carriage with several extras of various sizes, waiting to emerge as part of a ‘morning rush hour’ scenario.

And in the middle of us all are Emma Thompson & Dustin Hoffman.

I’m attempting to act blase, as though this sort of thing happens all the time. I make no attempt to look at them directly. In reality I’m screaming inside.

Now you might think, ‘Get a grip, Rob - they’re just two human beings.’

No - they are not. They are living gods. And one of them is Dustin Hoffman.

We do the scene over and over again, each time emerging in a different formation. I’ve been instructed to have my mobile clamped to my ear, pretending to shout into it (all the extras have to be silent so that the director and sound engineer can hear E & D’s dialogue). And thus the morning passes.

11.30am - E & D are filming a scene of the two of them taking a taxi away from the station. However, this means that they have to do it in the middle of the general public, and there are problems with various star-struck(!) people trying to watch or take photos. They eventually manage to shoot the required shots, and the techies start to dismantle the lighting rigging. D. nips off sharpish to the base unit round the corner, bodyguard in tow; it seems that the public are nervous about approaching him for autographs, but they have no such qualms with E. She signs left and right, poses for photos, etc. for a good five minutes before following Dustin. A good egg. My estimation of her goes up enormously.

1.30pm - after lunch, we head back to the station concourse. Time to board the Hogwart’s Heathrow Express. We have two carriages all to ourselves, and we’ll be making two round-trips whilst we film another scene with E. and D.

One of the assistant directors seats us all (40+ in total) in the main carriage. As luck would have it, I’m placed in a window seat, facing the back of train. I’ll therefore be hidden from view when the cameras are turning. Damn, damn, damn.

But the director’s not happy. The camera has to be placed further back than first thought. He needs the extras brought down the carriage more, and the AD asks us to move accordingly. I don’t need telling twice. I’m up from my allotted seat and hare down the carriage to the seat nearest the camera. Sorted. That’s better.

The scene involves E. standing in one compartment, and D. in another. He spots her at the other end of the crowded carriage, and makes his way through the standing passengers to reach her, talking at her while he does so.

The first shot is the scene from E’s POV. ‘We need a few people to stand in the aisleway,’ says the director, and the AD selects them at random. ‘You, sir…you, madam…you, madam….you, sir…..and you.’ A hand taps me on the shoulder. Blimey.

I’m told to stand in the aisle with my arm outstretched, holding on to the luggage rail over the opposite bank of seats. D. is standing at the other end of the carriage, calling out suggestions as to various shots. He then makes his way down the aisle, and comes to rest in front of me. ‘Why don’t we do the take with me trying to peer over and then under this guy’s arm? Hi! What’s your name?’

‘Rob.’

‘Hi Rob. Pleased to meet you.’ He shakes my hand.

I can’t believe this is happening!

We do the shot several times, each time with D. struggling to get past me to reach E. At the end of the shot, D. comes up to me and shakes my hand. ‘Thanks, Rob. Good working with you.’

‘My pleasure.’

Blase on the outside - screaming inside.

By this time, we’ve arrived back at Paddington, and several people get off, including many of the extras. However, I stay on - how could I not?

The crew then have to turn the camera around and re-film the shot, this time from D’s POV. Whilst this happens, I’m sat down in a compartment at the end of the carriage - opposite Emma. We discuss various things - the shooting schedule, her dress - and share in a plate of biscuits that one of the ADs is passing round. Then she gets the call to pose for the camera, and she’s off.

So the scene is re-shot, with the emphasis now on Emma. However, D. still needs to deliver his lines as before, to give her someone to focus on - but this time behind the camera. Another big guy is called upon to stand in front of D., and I appear to have been forgotten. Ah well…that’s show biz.

However, Emma pipes up. ‘The original chap is still with us.’ She calls back to me. ‘Rob?’ 

I’ll love her for ever and ever.

So once again I’m called upon to bar D’s way, in order to give his voice an ‘authentic’ sound. Several takes, and that’s that. I take my seat amongst the other extras as we head back to Paddington.

As we’re all talking, I notice D. edging towards me. ‘Scuse me….’scuse me’. He’s standing in front of me, grinning. ‘Thanks again, Rob.’ His hand is stuck out towards me. I take it and shake it again. ‘No problem, Dustin.’

And that’s that. My day of glory has finished. Filming with Emma and Dustin. Don’t know if my scenes will end up in the finished movie, but it doesn’t matter. I know I filmed them.

I can now die a happy man…..

Posted in Work | 2 Comments »

02/02/2008 by Rob.

Following a heated discussion last night, you will no doubt be pleased to hear that if, one day, the Usual Suspects end up stranded in the Andes, with no food to sustain them, and cannibalism the only option…..

then Mr Denham has kindly agreed to donate his buttocks to Steve, should the topic arise.

Please make a mental note.

Posted in Weird | 1 Comment »

01/01/2008 by Rob.

Wishing all the US the best for 2008! Thanks for the NYE bash, Nicky and Trev (and Ted!).

 R & P

Posted in Holiday | 1 Comment »

19/10/2007 by Rob.

Just as a follow-up to my previous story - look out for my cameo in the latest Morrisons advert featuring football pundit Alan Hanson (I’m in the horse-racing sequence). Spotted tonight on Channel Five after 30 Rock.

Cheers, R.

Posted in Work | 8 Comments »

17/10/2007 by Rob.

Have just spent three days shooting a new film in Greenwich called THE DUCHESS. It’s the story of Georgiana, who was Duchess of Devonshire in the late 18th Century - a sort of Paris Hilton of her day.

Day 1 - Sunday 14th Oct

Had to get down to Greenwich for 8am, which meant rising at 6am (on a Sunday morning - help!). The shoot took place at the old Naval College near the Cutty Sark - a location I’ve been to twice before with the Arts & Heritage Club. I’d had to go for a costume fitting the previous Monday, so I was already familiar with the 80 min tube journey via the Jubilee Line and the DLR.

I had to queue up at the costume tent on site for 20 mins in order to get my outfit, and then a further half-hour for my make-up and wig fitting before I was deemed ready to start work. Unfortunately I had arrived too late for the normal full breakfast, so had to make do with a sausage roll (which was OK). I then had to sit down to wait in the mess tent.

I was playing a gentleman farmer attending what would have been the original ‘farmer’s market’ in Westminster. When all 300+ of us got to the set, we were amazed by the transformation of one of the roads beside the Dining Hall. What once had been asphalt and pavement was now a mud-and-straw-strewn marketplace (I say mud and straw - as the day progressed, it was gradually mingled with extraneous droppings from the horses that were pulling five carriages up and down the street. I was next to one of the coaches at one stage, and had to jump to avoid being splashed by an unhealthy amount of discarded dung!).

There were numerous stalls on both sides of the road selling vegetables, pewter items, wood, live geese and hens, dead rats (and rat-traps!) and so forth. A lot of the food was artificial, but several stalls contained game shot the previous day on royal estates - partridges, rabbits - as well as a roast pig split in two a la Damien Hirst. There was also a fresh fish stall, with several real ones scattered amongst the plastic variety for sampling purposes.

Our task was simply to browse amongst the various stalls, and then react with joy as the Royal Coach containing the Duchess rolled through the thoroughfare. Again. And again. And again. Fortunately it was a lovely sunny day, so everyone was in a good mood.

I was lucky enough to be positioned near to one girl playing a ‘lady of the night’ (even though it was daytime), with a low corsage. Needless to say, it was like flies to a honeypot to some of the gents on set, and there was much flirting and witty euphemism-ing from one and all (myself included, of course).

Did I mention that the Duchess is being played by Keira Knightley (or did my heading give it away?)? We had great fun playing ’spot-the-Keira’ each time her carriage shot past us, as it was usually her stand-in doing the run whilst the crew were rehearsing the scheduled movements. (At one point, the horses decided to gallop down the street rather than trot, and only the quick-thinking of my younger male companion prevented me from being trampled to death as I was caught between the carriage and a horse-and-rider coming the other way. Phew! Thank you, sir!).

We filmed the same scene over and over from different angles, and it was only the onset of dusk that brought the day to a close at 6pm. However, there was then a stampede as 300+ extras raced back to base in order to have their wigs removed and costumes carefully stored away - as a result, I didn’t manage to escape until 7.30pm, eventually arriving home at 9pm. More of the same tomorrow!

Day 2 - Monday 15th

8.30am start today - a little more acceptable, with the crowd reduced from 300+ to 250. The scene has now shifted to an inner courtyard at the college, and the majority of the stalls have been transferred accordingly (fortunately minus the dung!). The roadway has been completely converted overnight back to its usual condition - hard to believe it’s the same location as yesterday.

Today we are a crowd listening to a political speech given from a wooden podium, surrounded by a different market to the one we were frequenting yesterday. However, the sunny weather is not being kind to the produce - the pig is attracting several flies (most of whom I thought were supposed to be dead at this time of year?), and the fish, which was fresh with a slight scent yesterday, is now getting a little whiffy - and with another sunny day on the cards, the prospects are not appealing.

However, it’s our first chance to see Keira in the flesh - and to say you’ve spent two days staring up at her on the podium would make many a man green with envy. She’s wearing a huge bushy blond wig and what looks like a dead ferret on top of her hat - the weight was probably phenomenal. Her hands are also stuffed inside a dead cat for a muff. She seems to be coping, though, and appears to be in good spirits - though all she has to do on each take is to introduce the main speaker, Mr Charles Gray of the Whig Party (played by Dominic Cooper, who Paul advises me was in THE HISTORY BOYS). He has the bulk of the scene on his shoulders, as he has to give a rallying speech over and over again, each time from a different angle. We have to chip in with cheers, claps and ‘hear hear’s’ at various points.

What I have seen off-camera are most extras walking around with mobile phones glued to their ears - it’s a bizarre sight seeing any of the extras doing a 21st-Century occupation, such as drinking from styrofoam cups or ’smoking a fag’. And as for going to the toilet, and coping with various flaps and stockings etc whilst doing so - well…! All I can say is, thank God for the invention of the zip!

P.M. - we are all assembled in the mess tent after lunch for a severe talking-to. Apparently one extra has been ‘discreetly’ photographing Keira with his mobile phone, and she’s not happy, especially after a number of recent ‘private’ snaps that have made their way into the papers. So we are all forbidden from taking our mobiles to the set. Marvellous. Thanks a bunch, mysterious extra.

Don’t know if lunch has affected the stars, but Dominic starts to mess up his speech during the afternoon. Then it’s Keira’s turn, with a few well-placed f-words emerging as a result. Then Dominic again. Focus, guys, focus….

Finish 6.15pm - manage to make a quicker getaway this time, which meant getting home for 8.25pm - just in time to miss University Challenge. The perils of not having Sky + - oh well….

Day 3 - Tuesday 16th

7am call this time - up at 5am (groan - feeling the worse for wear by this time). Same scene as yesterday - a few more close-up shots of the stars, with us lot chipping in our interjections - but as we’re not being directly filmed during this, we’ve been reduced to 80+ in number. However, rain is forecast for today - and as we arrive at the forecourt to film, all dressed up to the nines, the downpour starts. Fish a lot stinkier now - however the rain is helping to keep the pong at a reasonable level.

So we’re meandering around the college in the dry, drinking tea, coffee and apple juice, and I’m taking the opportunity to learn my lines for OUTSIDE EDGE, which goes on stage in November. A few extras have brought their mobiles on set today, but no-one on the crew seems to have said anything about them. Unfortunately I’ve left mine in my bag in the mess tent - and I subsequently miss out on a filming opportunity for another job for this Wednesday. I should learn to break the rules a little more often….

The rain finally slows to a fine drizzle at 11.30am, and we proceed with the day’s filming. We won’t actually be seen on camera during the close-ups, so we’re given plastic ponchos to wear to protect our wigs and costumes from the drizzle. As we’re merely providing a sightline for Keira and Dominic, we haven’t got to look at them, and my attention wanders to an extra standing behind them who will be seen in the background of the close-ups, between two pillars (those aren’t pillars….!). Some outrageous over-acting, obviously being done in an attempt to stand out on-screen whilst Dominic is talking. Looks suspiciously like Ricky Gervais, ironically….. disgraceful behaviour. Hope he gets CGI’d out of the shot…..

Lunch is announced, and I get to leave the set walking directly in Keira’s footsteps. Her usual minder is mysteriously absent this time, which gives me a chance to examine her massive headdress from a few feet away. We walk through a small corridor. She subsequently climbs into a waiting limo, and I head off to join the rest of the extras at the mess tent - such is fame!

After lunch, with both the rain and ponchos now thankfully absent, we shoot a number of establishing shots in and around the courtyard, while Keira and Dominic film an intimate moment elsewhere. Unfortunately this means having to get nose-to-nose with the aforementioned stinky fish, which people are understandably reluctant to do, and the more wily extras (including yours truly) manage to get to the outskirts of every shot in order to avoid the pong.

This takes up the rest of the afternoon, and we finally wrap proceedings at 5.45pm. I wave both wig and costume goodbye, and get back to Harrow for 8pm. The shooting will continue here until Thursday, after which time the film unit will move on to Hampton Court (having started at Chatsworth House); however, as the number of extras needed is shrinking by the day, I am now surplus to requirements. Sob!

Thus my first period piece comes to an end - rather satisfactory. More please!

Posted in Work | 4 Comments »